Hah. I hope everyone had a great seasonal break and a very well executed leap from the past to the future. May 2008 bring you joy, happiness and a lot of things you dream of. As usual with such occasions, other people say things better than I do so:
Obligatory quote: “Cherish your yesterdays, dream your tomorrows but live your todays.”
Thank you, Phillip Vandervoort. ;-)
And so we get to the order of business. I would like to thank 3/4th of my address book for sending me chain mails ‘which they usually don’t do but hey you never know’, so in the past year:
- I’ve won at least 7 big lottery tickets, who’ve apparently gotten my e-mail address because some friend enroled me. Party invitations will follow as soon as the cash comes in!
- About 150 times, my hotmail account would have been deleted unless I would forward an email to all people in my address list, for which Bill Gates (who is still giving away his fortune) then would donate 1 cent per email I’d receive back, and I have received MANY!!!
- I have accumulated 3000 years of bad karma and have died about 50 times for all the e-mails my spam catcher actually caught and thus they never reached me, unfortunately. So I could not take the appropriate actions.
So, given that last fact I need to spend my fortune fast ! But:
- I donated a lot of money to the poor litte Amy Bruce, a young girl with a Nigerian bank account who has been in the hospital for over 7000 times (which is really bad, especially since the girl still remains 8 years old, even since the first email was sent out in 1995)
- I didn’t receive the free Nokia cell phone yet which I was supposed to have had because I would be the next winner if I would put my name and email address on that list and send it to 25 friends, but I haven’t given up hope yet!
- I did enter my name amongst 3000 others on a petition to save the starving and nearly extincted shaven red-blue scaled yellow-feathered night owl, so I contributed to the protection and safe-keeping of nature and such.
- I have learned that the recipe for TRUE LOVE (combined from 3 emails) is in fact to write a boy’s/girl’s name on a piece of paper, think really hard about him/her whilst scratching your butt when holding your breath and then running up and down the stairs 7 times on your bare feet after a walk through the grass filled with morning dew. AND I expect this true love to call me the day after tomorrow at exactly 12.45 PM CET.
- I have received at least 18 poems of the Dalai Lama, and by reading them aloud 7 times in a row each, that should kind of bring me guaranteed luck for the next 3752 years (which would compensate with the 3000 years of bad karma accumulated and mentioned above)
- I have ordered 3 backup hard disks to cover the potential virus damage of the trojan horse that none of the known virus scanners could see but (combined from 5 emails) that is only text based with one image of a naked lady and would delete my entire C: drive while playing Led Zeppelin’s ‘Stairway To Heaven’ during a tilted screen as if Titanic would sink, as soon as the email would open.
So, I think it was a good year, and I expect 2008 to be at least as good. And by the way:
IF YOU DO NOT COPY-PASTE THIS BLOGPOST WITH YOUR LEFT HAND IN AN E-MAIL IN THE NEXT 10 SECONDS AND SEND IT TO AT LEAST 8500 PEOPLE, A GIANT DINOSAUR FROM SPACE IS GOING TO EAT YOUR FAMILY TOMORROW AT 5.30 PM SHARP, NO MATTER WHAT TIMEZONE YOU ARE IN.
Just so you know.
Thanks for the idea, Arns. It made me feel better, just like you promised.