Hah. I hope everyone had a great seasonal break and a very well executed leap from the past to the future. May 2008 bring you joy, happiness and a lot of things you dream of. As usual with such occasions, other people say things better than I do so:
Obligatory quote: “Cherish your yesterdays, dream your tomorrows but live your todays.”
Thank you, Phillip Vandervoort. ;-)
And so we get to the order of business. I would like to thank 3/4th of my address book for sending me chain mails ‘which they usually don’t do but hey you never know’, so in the past year:
- I’ve won at least 7 big lottery tickets, who’ve apparently gotten my e-mail address because some friend enroled me. Party invitations will follow as soon as the cash comes in!
- About 150 times, my hotmail account would have been deleted unless I would forward an email to all people in my address list, for which Bill Gates (who is still giving away his fortune) then would donate 1 cent per email I’d receive back, and I have received MANY!!!
- I have accumulated 3000 years of bad karma and have died about 50 times for all the e-mails my spam catcher actually caught and thus they never reached me, unfortunately. So I could not take the appropriate actions.
So, given that last fact I need to spend my fortune fast ! But:
- I donated a lot of money to the poor litte Amy Bruce, a young girl with a Nigerian bank account who has been in the hospital for over 7000 times (which is really bad, especially since the girl still remains 8 years old, even since the first email was sent out in 1995)
- I didn’t receive the free Nokia cell phone yet which I was supposed to have had because I would be the next winner if I would put my name and email address on that list and send it to 25 friends, but I haven’t given up hope yet!
- I did enter my name amongst 3000 others on a petition to save the starving and nearly extincted shaven red-blue scaled yellow-feathered night owl, so I contributed to the protection and safe-keeping of nature and such.
- I have learned that the recipe for TRUE LOVE (combined from 3 emails) is in fact to write a boy’s/girl’s name on a piece of paper, think really hard about him/her whilst scratching your butt when holding your breath and then running up and down the stairs 7 times on your bare feet after a walk through the grass filled with morning dew. AND I expect this true love to call me the day after tomorrow at exactly 12.45 PM CET.
- I have received at least 18 poems of the Dalai Lama, and by reading them aloud 7 times in a row each, that should kind of bring me guaranteed luck for the next 3752 years (which would compensate with the 3000 years of bad karma accumulated and mentioned above)
- I have ordered 3 backup hard disks to cover the potential virus damage of the trojan horse that none of the known virus scanners could see but (combined from 5 emails) that is only text based with one image of a naked lady and would delete my entire C: drive while playing Led Zeppelin’s ‘Stairway To Heaven’ during a tilted screen as if Titanic would sink, as soon as the email would open.
So, I think it was a good year, and I expect 2008 to be at least as good. And by the way:
IF YOU DO NOT COPY-PASTE THIS BLOGPOST WITH YOUR LEFT HAND IN AN E-MAIL IN THE NEXT 10 SECONDS AND SEND IT TO AT LEAST 8500 PEOPLE, A GIANT DINOSAUR FROM SPACE IS GOING TO EAT YOUR FAMILY TOMORROW AT 5.30 PM SHARP, NO MATTER WHAT TIMEZONE YOU ARE IN.
Just so you know.
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Thanks for the idea, Arns. It made me feel better, just like you promised.